The holidays are upon me. . .

So. . .the holidays have come yet again. I love the holidays. People enjoy themselves. Lots of time off. Gifts given. Others made happy. . .Really, I do love it.

There's a part that depresses me every year though. I get Christmas cards from friends. Cards with pictures of their families or children. They come and I think about what I'm missing. They come and I hate that I'm not sending them out (well, not that much, I *am* a guy). I know that if She hadn't been convinced of Her death so early on we would have children. Sometimes I get depressed that we never had our own, other times I'm happy that we didn't so there wouldn't be more children missing their mothers. It's an odd conflict of emotions that keeps me on edge.