Recent realization about life. . .

I've previously mentioned that I essentially volunteer to teach children. And that one of the girls I taught last year had lost a friend to cancer.

This last class session was the last one before Christmas. This usually means gifts from the kids. I got more this year than ever before. Having them all here in hand made me realize something, as touching as it is that the kids -- with the help of their parents -- get me present, I'm far happier about the 2 notes I received last year from that student's mother. She had written me two notes thanking me for the depth and breadth of the class and the good job I was doing. She knew of my history and that I knew of her daughters.

By the end of classes we had exchanged stories. She showed me pictures of her and her friend and I shared pictures of us. I even got permissions to pass along a poem that Her daughter had written after Her death. Some day I hope that I can share that poem. . .

The holidays are upon me. . .

So. . .the holidays have come yet again. I love the holidays. People enjoy themselves. Lots of time off. Gifts given. Others made happy. . .Really, I do love it.

There's a part that depresses me every year though. I get Christmas cards from friends. Cards with pictures of their families or children. They come and I think about what I'm missing. They come and I hate that I'm not sending them out (well, not that much, I *am* a guy). I know that if She hadn't been convinced of Her death so early on we would have children. Sometimes I get depressed that we never had our own, other times I'm happy that we didn't so there wouldn't be more children missing their mothers. It's an odd conflict of emotions that keeps me on edge.